Sunday, 21 November 2010

bila cinta

sama macam status dalam facebook. kadang kadang benda ni semua buat aku fikir. betol ke aku sekarang ni di lamun cinta. betul ke dia ni untuk aku? or dia ni hanya nak main kan aku. tuhan je yang tau. sekuat mana pon otak aku perah kn sisa sisa fikiran. aku masih xtau. kenapa xda klue di beri untuk kita cari jodoh. serious cakap. aku memang takut nak kawen. sebab setiap impian bdak budak pompuan adalahh nak kawen n hidup happily ever after. camna alau benda tu bukan untuk aku. macam mana kalau aku salah tafsir and ended up kawen dengan org yg salah. aku bukan gatal sangat nk kawen. just kadang kadang aku ter fikir. even artis2 bole cerai, kita ni, ap tah lagi. tuhan je la yg tau kn. :D

Thursday, 4 November 2010

apa apa pun, i love u syg. damn much. walaupun ur not mine anymore.
my hearts just love u to bits.
and damn.
it hurts alot to see when i saw u with her.
congrats baby.
love u. 

maybe someday.
u will be mine.


I can smile despite how shitty things are.

I will always put you before me.

I leave my phone on at night just in case someone needs me.

It’s because I love everyone else more than I could ever love myself.

What can I say, I’m just a fuck up with good heart. 

i love u babes. :D

heart breaker.

Did you know that the heart has no pain receptors? So the next time someone breaks you heart, move on. Your pain is just an illusion, a temporary psychological disturbance that you have to overcome. In short, it’s all in the mind.

i want to feel ur arm right around me. 
i want a hug. 

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Should Sarawak pull out of Malaysia?

Should Sarawak pull out of Malaysia?

::Should Sarawak pull out of Malaysia?
Wednesday, June 25, 2008, 2:12:05 AM | Dr. John Brian Anthony

Giving Sarawak $1 billion is a waste of public money. Why did the PM give it to Sarawak? There is no need to reward them for winning the PRU12 - after all without BN Sarawak is nothing.

The above statement was directed at Sarawak by a 33 years old man living in Petaling Jaya, Selangor. In the first place, what has Sarawak done to help Malaysia he said. Being a Dayak Iban from Sarawak - it gives me a great insight on the thinking of young West Malaysian and their knowledge of Malaysia as a whole.

Where is the oil money from sarawak?

I was thinking - whose money was used to build PETRONAS TWIN tower, the MENARA Kuala Lumpur, the Malaysian capital - PUTRA JAYA. If these projects were built by PETRONAS, then most of the money would have come from Sarawak and Terengganu. Why build such project in Kula Lumpur - it should be built in Bintulu or Miri, so those working for PETRONAS would stay in Bintlu / Miri, spent their income in Sarawak and tourist would come and see the TWIN towers in Sarawak. It would have made Sarawak richer. Now this project is put inside Wilayah - and young west Malaysia took it for granted that it comes from their father’s pocket. For Sarawakian, we were made poor by PETRONAS, and even poorer by our State leader for not fighting hard enough to ask for an increase in oil royalty.

Many young Sarawakian - much more than before responded to the suffering of the Sarawak people today by thinking aloud, should we not PULL OUT of MALAYSIA. What have we gained by joining Malaysia?


Looking at the physical development of Sarawak, it lacks so many things even the most basic needs - road, water, electricity, education and health. Why are we still so dependent on river transport? Why are Sarawak trunk roads in such poor condition and lack proper facilities for drivers. Why are clean drinking water so difficult to get and still no electricity to dwelling places that are located in some urban areas and most sub-urban areas.

Money from timber? Has it gone into the pocket of elite businessman and corrupted politician and civil service officers. A timber tug boat operator now own Shin Yang, one of the largest timber company and has hundreds and thousand of acres of plantation land- how can that be? It can be - when the chief politician made it so. In the process, the people of Sarawak are deprived of its wealth generated from valuable tropical trees that the natives has held it so dear to their heart. The jungle is the major provider of their needs. For the rich man, he sent in gangsters to his estate to subdue any dayak from making complaint and demand for a better living. Dayak got the wrong end of the stick in ALL cases.

Money from oil?

Many are asking what has happened to the money we get from oil royalty? We are now suffering from oil price hike now, when did we enjoy money from oil then? Price of gas cylinder for cooking is reaching $180.00 per tank in rural Sarawak. The natives could not understand that such products are produced in Bintulu - from Sarawak gas field and we are paying that high a price. The West Malaysian are paying much less - and they are the one that has no gas -when we take Terengganu equation out. Why are we not seeing good schools and health care for the rural folks. The “Flying doctors” service is still too limited, while billion worth of hospitals are build in West Malaysia - not one but many in just one city. In Sarawak - the Sarawak General Hospital was built maybe 4 decades ago. Do we have a new one - the answer is NO? We do have new expansive private hospital that poor rural folks has no chance of using it as they don’t have money.

Money fro hydro-dam

The Batang Ai hydro dam has now shown the true problems caused by relocation of the people living in the area. No land to expand their farming activity, SALCRA providing minimum wages for their work in the plantation and low return from their share in Salcra. The gov’t has short change the people - and the same gov’t headed by the same person after 30 plus years is ignoring the plight of the poor people in Lubuk Antu. You just need to go to Lubuk Antu - what major economic activities has been implemented? The answer is NONE - as the gov’t idea of helping the poor rakyat is just “give them” not training them to have skill and knowledge to better themselves. Some Dayak leaders are there, to ensure that the Dayak do not progress and therefor easier control for political gain. Are electricity made available to longhouses and villages in nearby areas? The answer is NO.

The Bakun dam is near completion. Is it going to benefit Sarawak poor - the answer is NO. It will feed the richer West Malaysian State, to provide power to their industry. Why don’t they relocate their industry to Sarawak? Too expansive, Sarawak lack basic infrastructure, it lacks skill worker, it has limited port facilities, poor transport system, it lacks town that can provide comfort for the employee etc - . That goes to show that the rich suck on the poor man resources and are not paying for such resources in a correct manner. Otherwise - why are the poor getting poorer? Why should we still stay with Malaysia?

Money from palm oil plantation

Where is the money earned from plantation? We all know that the biggest plantation companies are from West Malaysia and UMNO link company. Just go to their office, the senior management teams and managers are West Malaysian. The field supervisors and labourers are local Sarawak - we can’t help but feel “colonised” and made second class citizen of Malaysia. Our prime land are taken to feed West Malaysian - who felt in turn that giving $1 billion to Sarawak is a waste of public money. Not even after Sarawak gave the BN government its valuable support - we feel very disappointed and hurt by this attitude. It is time for Sarawakian to think about leaving Malaysia.

Leaving Malaysia - why?

Sarawak has not received what is due to them. Sarawak has been side-line and ignored - no senior position in the Federal Civil Service, No senior members in the police and army, no important position in the cabinet, Sarawak bumiputera is even 4th class in the ranking behind the major races in West Malaysia. We didn’t join Malaysia - to learn only to speak Bahasa Malaysia and Islam as our official religion - causing hardship to people from other faith to get government financial support and respect. We did not join Malaysia to champion “Ketuanan Melayu” and be made used of by UMNO elitist to further their hold on political power and corrupted practice.

We want justice, we want equality, we want respect, we want dignity in our life. We do not need to “bow” and ” kneel” and “plead” for what is rightly ours. We want our money to develop ourselves and be able to live a better life. From frustration with the BN government under Abdullah, we are even thinking of leaving Malaysia. It has brought us untold misery and frustration with their bias leadership and poor planning accorded the state of Sarawak.

Dayak Political Party

WHY IS THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT NO APPROVING DAYAK WISH TO FORM A POLITICAL PARTY KNOWN AS “MALAYSIAN DAYAK CONGRESS” ? They should ensure that the races are represented by political organization of their choice. We want to have our political freedom of choice and association. We do not want to feel that there is ethnic genocide in Sarawak too.

Sarawak for Sarawakian!!!!

It is the very policy and structure of BN government that is causing Sarawak to lag behind so far from the rest of malaysia. The “white termite” can shout about nonsense - the dayak are equal to the rest of the Malaysian population etc, because he wants to feel good about himself who has overstayed his welcome and value. The “white termite” make certain elite in the community rich beyond their wildest dream. Has this elitist help Sarawak poor - the answer is still NO.

owner of the blog

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Ask me anything . shoot !


tengok kawan kawan bercinta memang best kan. happy. mesej tanpa tengok muka pon boleh tersenyum membayangkan si dia. best kan. keluar berdua. pergi date. even keluar ke kedai mamak bersama pon da boleh membahagiakan. kadang kadang kawan kawan tanya, kenapa pompuan skarang da makin memilih.

ntah la. skang pompuan da smakin pandai. selalu di tinggalkan buat hidup dyeorg rasa x selamat. biar la pakwe x la hensem mana, asalkan setia. then. dyeorg tnya ag, tapi sekarang perempuan da pandai main pasang skandal.
aku pon xtau. pompuan blaja benda skandal skandal ni pon dari pihak laki. slalu terkena. bila kenang balik zaman zaman dahulu kala, lelaki memang main pasang. asyik bet antara satu sama lain, siapa yang dapat perempuan yang cun gila, dapat la seratus dua. apa guna nya buat macam tu? buat sakit hati dan jiwa je. bayangkan la bila perempuan tu da tangkap cintan kat laki tu, hati akan remuk. sakit bila di tinggalkan. kenape ek lelaki buat macam tu? sampai hati dia kan.

dulu aku jatuh cinta kat sorang abang senior ni. memang la dia ni bukan la hensem mana. tapi cara dia layan aku buat aku rasa macam aku ni permaisuri dalam dunia aku dan dia. aku memang sayang dia gila gila. memang aku tipu kalau aku cakap aku tak sayang. dia la buah hati intan payung aku masa tu. segala apa yang dia buat, aku maafkan. satu hari dia mengaku, dia cakap dia kapel dengan aku bukan atas dasar suka. tapi hanya kerana cabaran dari rakan rakan. hanya kerana duit seratus, dia buanag aku macam aku ni sampah. dia tinggalkan aku semata mata duit. apa nilai aku kat mata dia? aku berharga seratus je ke? sumpah masatu aku sangat sangat down. aku menangis bila bila masa aku keseorangan. tuhan je la yang tau. sekarang aku dapat tau, yang dia da ada awek baru. alhamdulillah. aku harap sangat yang dia xkan buat benda yang sama kat perempuan tu.

apa yang aku merepek pon aku xtau. dah la. :D biar la. benda da jadi.

Friday, 15 October 2010

thanks dearest

im so pissed. what am i to u? just a stupid girl? u make me feel super bad. if u love her that much, go and take her away from me. i dont really need anyone who makes me feel this way now. please. i know that u love her much more that u love me. then, what the heck am i doing here? im ruining ur party. nevermind. i will go.

Thursday, 7 October 2010

early birds

early birds get the worm. :) tido petang petang. bla malam tiba, mata terbeliak menandakan sukarnya nak tido. malam melaram nak keluar. kemana? entah. tiada arah tujuan. menenong kepala. baring bergolek golek macam ayam panggang. laptop di biar on tanpa ada apa untuk di buat. facebook? semua manusia da siap berdengkor, mimpi da sampai ke ending. nak tamatkan cerita mimpi agar dapat tidur yang lena. sakit ka aku sampai x boleh nak tido? x kan la. :)

memang kadang kadang masalah yang datang bergolek menghempap buat kita xdapat nak tidor yang lena. dalam cita karut org puteh slalunya ada sandman yang akn datang dan letak pasir ajaib untuk buat kita tido. mana dia? hadoii. leteh bila x tido. tapi apakan daya. memang mata xmau terlelap dari tadi. bergolek golek. pusing pusing. baring dalam apa jua angle pon x bole nak tido. mata tak terpejam. bagaikan ada kayu mancis di kelopak mata yang menghalang mata dari ttp. bahasa kurang siuman di gunakan dalam blog yang amat membosankan ni. apa apa pun. bila x dapat nak tido, kurang nya kewarasan dalam otak. ini la jadinya. slamat tidur smua. :)

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

slamat hari raya

raya tahun ni agak kosong kalau nk compare dgn taun2 yg lepas. xrasa akan raya, xrasa dah raya, xrasa tgh raya. aku xsempat raya di rumah pon. smuanya di penang. apa2 pn slamat menyambut hari raya. aku nk mntak maap kt smua org yg knl aku, smua yg igt dyeorg knl aku tp x, smua yg dgar psal aku tp xknl aku, dan bermacam jenis manusia di atas mukabumi ini. aku nk mendedikasikan post blog yg baru ini kepada kwn kwn aku. please forgive me.

i miss u guys dearly. gla2 aku rindu torg. mmg x terkata. lamak aku x temu torg. even for raya kta xbertemu. i miss u guys. come home. come to my house for raya. please babes. i do need u here. sp mok tolong aku bla mak aku plh open house? sp mok dgn ku braya umah org gk? sp mok dgn ku net moto los2 g raya? aku rindu. mak aku nanyak. bla torg mok dtg umah. aku xtauk. aku mok glak torg dtg, aku pdh klak2 la dknya datang. IMYP! aku mok mntak maap, spanjang kta knl dr form 1 dlok, aku ada polah salah ngn torg. ng ada nk. bnyak gk ya. aku mntak maap bnyak2. please forgive me. kta try bnyak bnda bru sama2. kta sama2 plh bnda jaik, kta sm2 plh bnda bait. aku rindu torg. rindu nk lepak n kaka. rindu nk bkumpol n bercerita. rindu nk g skolah dgn tudong nk tlampau pendek wlaupn plo pngawas. sapa gk nk mok dok ngn aku d blakang kelas n bercerita mun x uding ngn eqah? sapa gk nk teman aku ronggey k moto mun x plo? spa gk ngn aku bercerita d taman mun x ngan qas? aku xda sapa d btu. aku ada torg jk. tuhan jk tauk cmne rasa ati aku rindu. tuhan jk tauk bnyak ne aku dh nangis. i miss u ppl. come home.


raya datang lagi. dlu bla kta 1st jumpa, aku kat penang. aku erma, aliyy, mayy. org 1st yg aku knl d uitm. the perfect room mates. erma farmasi, aliyy tourism, mayy culinary n aku mechanical. nothing in common. everyone is from different background. aku dgn mayy dlu salu lompat2 katil. farmasi n aliyy akn jerit2 sroh stop. sbb takot katel runtoh. haha! peduli apa, aku dgn mayy pon lompat laa. :) dlu kta slalu buli farmasi. sleep tight, sweet drems. adik dia yg bagi. ntah la. at least dia ada adik yg akan slalu igtkan dia utk tidor lena. aku xda. sorry farmasi. aliyy n aku akn slalu sroh mayy bwak makanan lebeh dr kitchen. lapa. sshkan mayy je. nk angkat brg berat2. sorry susahkan ko mayy. aliyy, aku dgn mayy slalu mntak kerepek ko sedangkan makanan tu mak ko bwak utk ko mkn. kami habiskan sbb sedap. sorry aliyy. roomates, i m really really sorry. aku tau spanjang korg dgn aku, aku da bnyak sshkan korg. mmg tlampau bnyak. aku dok jaoh. korg pon pk bnyak utk kesenangan aku. im sorry dear.


Sempena raya ni,aku nak mintak maaf banyak2 atas segala silap aku.Korg pon tau aku macam mana kan.Semoga raya ni membawa seribu nikmat untuk korg. korg sgt baik kat aku. aku rasa aku xlayak nk dok umah tu. nora yg salu teman g 7e beli barangan penting. salu dgn aku n aliyy g mencuba bnda baru. slalu lepak n bercerita tenang kan fikiran. slalu bg aku nasihat yg munasabah. nora. aku mntak maap kalau aku buat slah. aku mmg buat salah bnyak kat ko. aku ngaku. aku mntak ko maapkan aku. jannah, ko adalah pompuan plg gedik buat2 comel pnah aku jmpa. :) but u are a frue friend. klau ko pk bnda tu salah, ko akn marah. aku tau, ko bnyak sakit ati dgn aku yg x dgr nasihat ni kn. aku ni degil. aku mntak maap jannah. maapkan aku.

god knows how much i miss u. im crying and i miss u badly. aku bnyak polah salah ngn kau. aku xdga kaka. aku plh bodo bla ko marah. aku tauk. ko hnya mok tlg aku. ko mok aku slamat. aku tauk ko syg aku. im sorry kenneth. im really2 sorry. please eboh stop jd kwn aku. ko bestie aku kenneth. spa gk nk numbok aku k spoket lak? spa gk mok teman aku nangis? i miss u kenneth. maapkan aku please. aku tauk apa smua nk ko plh ya k kbaikan aku. aku tauk kau marah mun aku kua malam. aku tauk ko xska bla aku kua sbarang. aku tauk. aku mntak maap kenneth. aku da bnyak polah dosa ngn kau dr dlok2 gk. aku mntak ampun dr ujong rambut smpei ujong kaki. eboh fedup ngn aku. aku ng bena dh plh bnyak slah ngn kau. aku mntak maap glak2.

bdak2 umah bwah trmasuk nas n deng. aku bnyak buat salah. aku bnyak sakit kn hati dgn kata2 aku. aku da bnyak gla sshkan korg. aku mntak maap sgt2. bharap sgt korg dapat maapkan salah n silap aku. aku bnyak kali marah x tentu pasal, kn. im sorry gla2. maapkan aku. please. aku mntak *ehem ehem* bnyak ke. kta satu klas, aku tersalah cakap ke. aku tersalah terpukol n terngantok dlam kelas, aku mntak maap k. btw, aku mintak ampun n maaf banyak2 kalau ada buat salah kat korg. k? Slamat Hari Raya.

slamat hari raya. :) xbrapa nk kenal. aku pon xtau cmna nk ckp.
jambu, thanks sbb last sem ko rapat dgn aku. slalu tlg aku bla ssh. slalu teman aku. biar aku tdo dlam keta bla da tlalu letih. mintak maap sbb slalu sshkan ko. slalu buat ko marah. slalu buat ko sakit hati. im sorry jambu.
rakin, thanks rakin sbb tlg aku buat ala2 surprise kat kenneth aritu. snggup p amekaku kat airport. thanks rakin. aritu aku agaka terharu kat ko n jambu bla kta bbuka bersama2 aritu. x sangka korg igt ag kat aku yg msh sakit. thanks. btol2 appreciate it.
antoo aka nizam, kecik, dd, cali, aku mntak maap sbb buat salah kat korg. wlau pn kta xslalu cakap pon. tp kalau ada salah silap aku yg korg x puas ati, aku mntak maap. im sorry. slamaa aku kawan dgn korg, kalau aku ada salah ckp bla lepak sama2, ada teramek hati, maap kn aku. aku mntak maap sgt2. aku bkn sempurna. kdg2 aku tersusahkan korg ke, aku mntak maap sgt2.

dr part 1 sampai skang aku knal korg. korg mmg org yg baik2 blaka. peramah. cukup buat aku x kekok. buat aku rasa ada org yg rapat. korg mmg baik. kalau ada salah silap kata n tutur bahasaa, klakuan yg mnyakit hati, aku mntak maap. aku mntak maap, halalkan makan minum aku. aku mmg da bnyak buat salah. aku mntak maap. feefa, rudy, balan, cicin, azie, manu, syafiq, ajit, abg adi, abg kam, abg mus, ameer, kecik, ramzu, kalau aku ada buat silap. tegor la kau. aku bnyak sgt da buat silap kat korg. aku mntak maap sgt2. tuhan je yg tau rasa bersalah nya kau kat korg. mintak maap mintak ampun. slamat hari raya.

kepada sapa2 namanya x di nyatakan di atas, jangan la jadikan benda ni satu sebab korg nak amek ati and bermusuhan dgn aku. aku manusia biasa. mmg akn ada kekurangan, mmg akan ada slah n silap di mana2 ceruk hidup. maafkan aku. selamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin.

Thursday, 2 September 2010


1. Bila sorang wanita mengatakan dia sedang bersedih,tetapi dia tidak menitiskan airmata,itu bermakna dia sedang menangis di dalam hatinya.

2. Bila dia tidak menghiraukan kamu selepas kamu menyakiti hatinya, lebih baik kamu beri dia masa untuk menenangkan hatinya semula sebelum kamu menegur dengan ucapan maaf.

3. Wanita sukar nak cari benda yang dia benci tentang orang yang paling dia sayang (sebab itu ramai wanita yang patah hati bila hubungan itu putus di tengah jalan).

4. Sekiranya sorang wanita jatuh cinta dengan sorang lelaki, lelaki itu akan sentiasa ada di fikirannya walaupun ketika dia sedang keluar dengan lelaki lain.

5. Bila lelaki yang dia suka dan cinta merenung tajam ke dalam matanya, dia akan cair seperti coklat!!

6. Wanita memang sukakan pujian tetapi selalu tidak tau macam mana nak menerima pujian.

7. Jika kamu tidak suka dengan gadis yang sukakan kamu separuh mati,tolak cintanya dengan lembut,jangan berkasar sebab ada satu semangat dalam diriwanita yang kamu tak akan tahu bila dia dah buat keputusan,dia akan lakukan apa saja.

8. Sekiranya sorang gadis mula menjauhkan diri darimu selepas kamu tolak cintanya,biarkan dia untuk seketika.Sekiranya kamu masih ingin menganggap dia sorang kawan,cubalah tegur dia perlahan-lahan.

9. Wanita suka meluahkan apa yang mereka rasa.Muzik,puisi,lukisan dan tulisan adalah cara termudah mereka meluahkan isi hati mereka.

10. Jangan sesekali beritahu perempuan yang mereka ni lansung tak berguna.

11. Bersikap terlalu serius boleh mematikan mood wanita.

12. Bila pertama kali lelaki yang dicintainya dalam diam memberikan respon positif,misalnya menghubunginya melalui telefon,si gadis akan bersikap acuh tak acuh seolah-olah tidak berminat,tetapi sebaik saja ganggang diletakkan,dia akan menjerit kesukaan dan tak sampai sepuluh minit,semua rakan-rakannya akan tahu berita tersebut.

13. Sekuntum senyuman memberi seribu erti bagi wanita.Jadi jangan senyum sebarangan.

14. Jika kamu menyukai sorang wanita,cubalah mulakan dengan persahabatan.Kemudian biarkan dia mengenalimu dengan lebih mendalam.

15. Jika sorang wanita memberi seribu satu alasan setiap kali kamu ajak keluar,tinggalkan dia sebab dia memang tak berminat denganmu.

16. Tetapi jika dalam masa yang sama dia menghubungimu atau menunggu panggilan darimu,teruskan usahamu untuk memikatnya.

17. Jangan sesekali mengagak apa yang dirasakannya.Tanya dia sendiri!!

18. Selepas sorang gadis jatuh cinta,dia akan sering tertanya-tanya kenapalah aku tak jumpa lelaki ini lebih awal.

19. Kalau kamu masih tercari-cari cara yang paling romantik untuk memikat hati sorang gadis,cubalah rajin-rajinkan tangan menyelak buku-buku cinta.

20. Bila setiap kali gambar kelas keluar,benda pertama yang dicari oleh wanita ialah siapa yang berdiri di sebelah buah hatinya,kemudian barulah dirinya sendiri.

21. Bekas teman lelaki akan sentiasa ada di fikirannya tetapi lelaki yang dicintainya sekarang akan berada di tempat teristimewa iaitu di hatinya!!

22. Satu ucapan 'Hi' sahaja sudah cukup menceriakan harinya.

23. Teman baiknya saja yang tahu apa yang sedang dia rasa dan lalui.

24. Wanita paling benci lelaki yang berbaik-baik dengan mereka semata-mata nak tackle kawan mereka yang paling cantik.

25. Cinta bermaksud kesetiaan, ambil berat, jujur dan kebahagiaan tanpa sebarang kompromi.

26. Semua wanita mahukan sorang lelaki yang cintakan mereka sepenuh hati..

27. Senjata wanita adalah airmata!!

28. Wanita suka jika sesekali orang yang disayanginya mengadakan surprise buatnya(hadiah,bunga atau sekadar kad ucapan romantis).Mereka akan rasa terharu dan merasakan bahawa dirinya dicintai setulus hati.Dengan i! ni dia tak akan ragu-ragu terhadapmu.

29. Wanita mudah jatuh hati pada lelaki yang ambil berat tentang mereka dan baik terhadapnya.So,kalau nak memikat wanita pandai-pandailah...

30. Sebenarnya mudah mengambil hati wanita kerana apa yang dia mahu hanyalah perasaan dicintai dan disayangi sepenuh jiwa.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

who is your bff?

my bff will who she or he is. no need to tell. no need to brag.

ask ask ask ask

Friday, 20 August 2010


tuhan, bagi aku kekuatan nak hadapi semua ini.

everyday and every second that passes by, makes me weak. the pain is unbearable. ulang alik ke hospital bagaikan satu mision yang agak agak xkan tercapai. sakit yang di tahan tahan. senyuman yang ada, palsu. lukisan semata mata. i should be grateful. sakit aku bukan ada apa apa kalau di banding dengan orang orang yang di hospital haritu. uncle cina yang manis senyum nya, duduk di atas kerusi roda. ketiadaan sebelah kaki hingga ke paras lutut membataskan perjalanan. kesian kan. aunty melayu yang hanya mampu tersenyum menawarkan simpati melihat aku walaupun nyatanya keadaan nya lebih teruk dari aku. kasihankan mereka. ambulans datang dan pergi. kereta bersepah di tempat parking. manusia berkeliaran dengan tujuan masing masing. tuhan saja tau.

aku mahu sihat seperti dulu. sekarang dalam otak. hanya ada satu. raya ini. aku xnak keluarga aku menangis kerana aku. berbahagialah. aku x apa apa. :)

god give me a whole lot of tears to make me feel better. every sad post that i have written, ive cried while i have written it down. i dont have the strength to be myself anymore. only fake smiles that i have draw on my face. ive tried to be happy. i am happy. with all my lovely friends. my house mates, class mates, besties. u are the best!

Wednesday, 18 August 2010


1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

2. Guys love flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can't. And they sure have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking!

13. Guys cry!!!!!!!!

14. Don't provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind!" would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're asking him to do you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't like you and he can't lay down the card for you.

22. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

24. Guys hate gays!

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.

28. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.

31. Like Eve, girls are guys EUR™ weaknesses.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting.

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one. 43. Guys virtually brag about anything. 44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45. Guys think too much.

46. Guys' fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does!

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl.

50. It's not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they've been together for 3 years or more.

51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.

52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be matured and grow up.

53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.

54. Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power. 55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats with their girlfriends.

56. When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he's sweating. You'll probably see that he is nervous.

57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

59. Guys don't really have final decisions.

60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.

61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.

62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

63. Guys believe that there's no such thing as love at first sight, but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is wrong.

64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

65. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.

67. A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.

68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.

69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!

70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

71. A guy's friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.

72. Don't be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection.

73. Don't be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you'll be surprised.

74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.

75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.

76. Guys don't comprehend the statement "Get lost" too well.

77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.

78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them offending and he just tried to be polite.

79. Guys don't care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.

80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know them, they'll realize they're wrong. 81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He's just too stubborn to deal with it.

82. Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

83. Guys' weakest point is at the knee.

84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.

85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.

86. When a guy looks at you, either he's amazed of you or he's criticizing you.

87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance, give it to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance, ignore him.

88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.

89. If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at you and it obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you're with your boyfriend, all I can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.

90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!

92. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

93. When a guy says he can't sleep if he doesn't hear your voice even just for one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only flatters you and sometimes makes fun of you.

94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.

95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

96. Girls are allowed to touch boys' things. Not their hair!

97. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.

98. Guys hate girls who overreact.

99. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships

Saturday, 14 August 2010


skrang aku hilang tempat berpaut.

aku hilang org yang aku syg. hilang petunjuk dlam hidup. aku rindu dia. aku nangis malam malam rindukan dia. aku nangis. aku tau aku mmg kuat nangis. aku mengaku. tp aku rindu.
aku sayang dia. sayang sangat sangat. aku jatoh cinta dgn dia sebelum ni.
sekarang aku hilang dia.
aku jadi buntu. buntu.

Saturday, 7 August 2010

emma naziera

i want to be a new person with a new chapter of life.


Thursday, 5 August 2010

this post is what i have copied from a friend.
and it makes me cry.

Saya suka tengok jari awek saya...
Cantik betul... Sungguh!
Sampai takut nak pegang...
Bukan takut patah...
Tapi takut nanti jari kitorang tak boleh tolong each other
Di satu hari yang giler forever depan yang maha Esa...

Saya suka tengok rambut awek saya...
Cantik betol... Sungguh!
Sebab tu saya belikan tudung...
Bukan sebab jeles orang lain tengok jugak....
Tapi takut nanti terbakar dek api neraka
Di suatu hari yang giler forever

Saya suka tengok body awek saya....
Cantik betol...

Sebab tu saya belikan dia telekong
Supaya mase die jumpa dengan Kekasih die Yang Utama
Dia lagi cantik dan berseri menghadap Nya.
Saya pun tumpang dapat pahala. Pheh syoknye...

Saya sedih tengok awek saya
Tak tido, tak makan rindu kat saya...
Saya pun macam tu jugak,
Ada problem yang sama..
Die tanya apa ubatnya?
Saya pun bagi die Quran untuk penenang jiwa...
Semoga lebih cintakan Nya dari saya...

Saya sedih tengok awek saya
Selalu pesan macam-macam kat saya...
"Makan, minum, drive elok-elok tau..
Nanti awak sakit saye susah ati bla bla bla bla" katenya....
Tapi bila tengok movie sama-sama burn asar maghrib gitu
Die tak kata satu aper pun...
Berdosanye saya....

Kesimpulannya saya memang sayang dia....
Nak jumper die giler forever...
Yang forever punye forever...
Di dunia dan akhirat terutamanya,
Janji nak share heaven sama-sama...
Bahagia selamanya...

Semoga kami saling mengingati,
Dosa sendiri pun infiniti...
Nak tanggung dosa dia lagi pulak lepas ni...
Semoga kami menginsafi diri...
Ya Allah ampunkanlah kami.....
Semoga kami dapat bersama selamanya nanti...

Sunday, 1 August 2010

selamat hari raya

raya datang lagi. puasa xmo. raya mo. :) apakah itu?

teringat kat kawan kawan. cuti pun seminggu dua. nak jumpa pun x sempat. nak kena balik kampung. jumpa nenek dan datok. siapa tau kalau hayat x panjang. xmo mintak. just nak bg peringatan. rindu atok n nenek. xrapat dengan mak bapak. nenek la penawar hati, pengubat rindu. nenek la tempat mengadu. tempat nanges. paha siapa ag tempat aku tido klau bukan paha nenek. nenek skang da tua. sakit sakit. kaki da x kuat. xda sapa kat umah d kampung nak jaga. nenek kna pegi cari kayu api. kna pegi siang ikan. kna pegi jaga kedai. kna bg ayam itek makan. smata mata nk cri duit. kesian nenek. nenek, tgu k. nnti ema cr duit banyak banyak, nenek pg tunai haji k.
syg nenek. rindu nenek.

jangan risau. insyallah ema balik raya ni.
kalau aral x melintang. kalau lembu x melintas.
insyallah ema slamat sampai.


sekarang. kita da tau sapa kawan dan sapa yang bermuka muka. bila apa apa jadi, semua tak ambik peduli. lepas. bila kita sakit, mula buat buat busy. knapa? aku tak paham. do i treat u people that way? kalau betol, im sorry and do forgive me. gtau aku. biar aku brubah. sapa yang xmo brubah jd baik? aku nak. kawan kawan. korg smua penting dalam hidup aku. every single one. in every single way. kalau boleh. aku xmau ilang kawan macam korang. tp biar la. sekarang. bila aku sakit. nak mintak tolong. semua lari bertempiaran. nyorok bawah tempurung. kita tak kan tahu apa dalam hati orang lain. kita tak kan tahu apa yang orang lain fikir. entah la. semua ni macam tak da makna.

Wednesday, 23 June 2010


this is where i sit when there is no one home. looking at the flowers, typing on the laptop, feeling good about myself. this is where i like to be. that is when no one else is around. i would sit and look at all the greeneries, listening to some music. it makes me feel calm. it makes me fell well taken care of. even though sometimes, we may face difficulties in our journey, we should give up. yea. ive cried my heart out for so many guys, which i thought could be the one. the perfect one for me. and yet, they broke my heart yet again.
someone asks me. if i had a chance to become another person, who would that be. i dont know. i would love to be someone prettier and richer and brainier, but still, he or she wont have all the memories that i have. he wont have the friends that i have now. the parents. the teachers and lecturers. he wont have my happiness. and without it, i wont live. so, to answer your questions, i wont become another person.

i love my friends. i love them so much! and somehow, i wonder, do they love me? i havent done anything that could possibly make them love me. i just being me.
im the jerk here.
despite all that, i love them. with all my heart. i will treasure all the memories. because, u are my inspiration.

and for that,

my other questions i.If you could wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else currently living, would you do so? Whom would you pick? ii.How do you deal with someone you don't like? thanks again

1st,no. the person is alive. and she would have her own life to deal with, the people she love, her family. i wont do so. and i wont pick anybody.

2nd, there are certain people that i dont like. just try to ignore them as much as possible. but they are still human beings. just try not to hurt their feelings in the process.

ask ask ask ask

hello,meet again my questions are i.Who or what inspires you and why? ii.If you could change something about yourself, what would it be & why? thank u..

what inspires me. funny u should asks. i dont really know. the episodes that i watch, the stories that ive read, that inspires me alot. sometimes ive cried watching and reading such stories. there is one book i would really wanna share. the saddest girl in the world, written by cathy glass.

change something. my brain. haha. i wanted to be smarter. and then i wont fall for boys who would break my heart.

ask ask ask ask

thank u for answering all my questions...i've got more questions for u.. i.Tell me one wish that has been fulfilled and one that is not? ii.If you knew today was your last day on Earth, how would you spend it and why?

1st. my wish doesnt really come true. so i will just hoping for the best. wishing that my life would turn out better in he future.
2nd. asks for everyone forgiveness. of all the sins ive done. i just want to apologize.

ask ask ask ask

Tuesday, 22 June 2010 are some questions for u.. i.What are the most important traits in a man, in your opinion? ii.What's the best piece of advice you've ever received? hope u can answer all the questions,thanks.

in a man, in my opinion. i seeks trust and respect. upon me and my family. i need him to be caring and lovable. make me feel safe and loved. a perfect man should know what is best. and wont hurt my feelings. tell me right from wrong. and thats my man.

advice. do not trust guys with all your heart. which i always disobey. and that hurts me in the end.

ask ask ask ask

Monday, 21 June 2010

kadang kadang

kadang kadang aku pk psal hidup. yea la. bnda yang kta xsangka akan jadi, terjadi gak. bnda kecik. lelaki akan cakap, perempuan. nangis je tau. ntah la. bkn aku x tahan air mata tu dr mengalir, aku tahan. tahan bagai nak rak. sampai bla tiba satu point, aku tpaksa gak lepas semua. yang jadi mangsa? orang kat sekeliling.

aku bukan nak jadi anak derhaka. tapi bila aku cakap, korang xnak dengar spatah haram pon. bila aku ddok dalam blik. terjerit jerit plak nak panggil aku turun. bila aku da kat bawah. marah pulak. aku tnggi suara, korg cakap aku kurang ajar. aku xpaham. aku try nk jadi anak yang baik. aku try nk jd family yang ada dalam tv. yang mak nya aku bley cta bnda bnda. kadang kadang kat uitm pon trasa gak. aku datang pon dgn adik n ayah je. pastu dyeorg trus balik. xsempat panas pon bontot dyeorg. cdeh sgt sgt. soryy la. aku mngaku aku mmg xpandai nak kongsi msalah kat korg. aku xpandai nk bercerita. aku xpandai nk meluah. aku ada kawan kawan aku je. n dyeorg la yang teman aku. ade kawan mcm dyeorg buat aku bahagia. at least aku rasa d perlukan buat seketika. buat aku rasa di hargai.

lagi lagi.
dalam family kita ada 5 org. korg da macam pair up. aku ni nk letak kat mana? kadang kadang aku cdeh bla aku kna tnggal kat blakang. aku tengok je korg begelak kat depan. ye la kn. xkn aku nk kacau. bia la aku sorg. *nanges nanges*

kadang kadang tu, aku pk gak. klau hayat aku xpanjang, ad x org yang akan rindu aku? sbb aku xde buat benda benda yang memorable. xpna plak aku p tgh jalan raya nk slamatkn org exciden. *pnakot pnakot*
ye laa, klau aku xde pon, bkn ade org prasan pon kn. bla aku balek kampong ms raya, aku slalu tengok kubur kubur terbiar kat tepi kubur arwah sdara mara. pnoh dgn lalang. hati aku jd sebak. kesian kn dyeorg. terbayang, mane la keluarga dyeorg. dyeorg xrindu ke? dyeorg xnk baca yasin ke? klau aku dh tua, org akan buat cmtu x kat aku? aku bkn nya org terbaik dlam rumah, apatah lagi dlam dunia. grenti bnyak je yang benci aku. ntah ntah yang aku anggap baik, rupanya jahat. ye la. mulut manusia. mulut aku pon xley nk tutop. *susah susah*

ntah la. aku pon xfaham.

Sunday, 20 June 2010

jun 19th

emma n dodo.

emma n memei.


pendatang asing. :)

emma n ayah
(ignore the boobs)

nothing in particular.

Going away from the hometown, bintulu and going to the oil city, miri. Early in the morning, my mum nags me to get out of bed. Failed by knocking on the door, she tried the second method. She called my phones. The irritating noises coming from the phones, are making me insane. I wake up at 6 or 7 and i guess was the earliest one i had in my holiday. *whalaww*

Packing all the important things, all those little stuff that are VERY important, i was very very very sleepy. after packing, i finally go for my beauty shower which i hate, expecially early in the morning. Very very very cold. I was shivering when i am finally done. Choosing my best cloth, trying it on, taking it off, and putting another one on and removing it. This process continues. *haddoi!*

The trip to miri finally started after picking sami and hafiz up at their respective habitat. *hahaha!* the long and excruciating journey are so damn bored, it makes me want to sleep in my sleep. The journey continues. After finally arrived, we went to the hotel where we had booked the rooms. Oh oh, btw, my aunt`s family also tag along in this so called trip. We stayed at mega hotel. I didn’t pay so i don’t care about the fees. We went to a mall which i have forgotten the name. Hmm. We went up and down, left and right, above and below, side by side, inside out the mall. But yet, i haven’t bought anything. Ajiq bought a necklace for his girlfriends, so what should i buy for my girlfriends? Tough questions though. *thinking thinking*

There are alot of cars in miri, which is caused by people from brunai coming over for some shopping. Big cars with larger people with a lot of money. It is very hard to find a single car park. Hmm. Ow o wow, i met maman there. My ex in high school. J maman maman, im shy. *blush blush* he is wearing a dark creamy yellow long sleeved shirt. Btw maman, as i know u would be reading this, there is a fact for u. im taller than u. Im 210cm. Hahaha. Maman u look older and more mature compared to me. A premature human being, who was suppose to be mature-er. J

There is one thing that i hate about hotels. It is too cold. How am i supposed to shower? It is freezing, man. As i am a hairy animal, all my hair stands on one end. And it is indeed not sexy! *no sexual tone here* Hahaha. I hate it when i stepped out of the bathroom, the cold air rushed to me like a hurricane. Then, i would quickly run back into the bathroom, playing with the hair dryer. That is was until that certain someone bangs on the door with their own private emergency. *wink wink*

I called dodo, i called gagan, i called yul, i called afiq, i called ika, telling them im in miri. i havent got the chance to post it in my facebook about my trip to miri. My last post is something about topups, as i ran out of credit. Finally i went out with dodo. Alongside her sidekicks, memei, nana n corina. How i missed them! *aw aw aw* dodo, memei, nana and i met at the plkn camp in miri. sungai rait, miri. a horrible place, but with nice friends like them, its heaven. The last time that i have met them is in December. Christmas in miri. fun fun fun. They are nice people with nicer attitude. They are my friends. and i love them with my dear life. We went to marina bay and sat on the grass. The short but pointy grass makes my butt itch as im wearing leggings with a so called dress. *ugggleyhh* but i don’t really care.

Yul called dodo and told her and he would be arriving `soon’. After 3o to 50 minutes of waiting, they finally arrived. Yul and kay. Both are my former fellows in plkn. We sat there and talked for about one full hour. Both of them are getting chubbier than i remember. The cheeks are finally showing on both of their faces. Making them look cuter. They had been smaller in plkn. The regular skinny type of Malaysian teenagers. They have change a lot in appearance. But still, both are very talkative human beings.

After saying farewells to the boys, we went for dinner. I have my nasi goreng ayam special (again). Then we have shisha. Coconut mint flavour. *Yummy yummy* then we started talking again. Magical enough, we have no limits in talking. We talked and talked and talked. Took a sip, swallow and continue talking. Hahahaha. J after eating, we went to grand old lady. There are a lot of people there as it is Saturday. What the heck. We sat there until it was 11.30 pm. Then they sent me back at the hotel. Saying farewell was the hardest part. I have tried my best not to look back. Only god knows when i am going to see them again. *uwwwwwwwaa*

In the hotel room, the cold bites (sejuk yang menggigit.). haha. Is there such words?

Biar la. Its 5.50 am now.

Im off. JJ