god is great

looking at the reflection upon the mirror, i saw, me. short messy hair, my big football jersey, green boxer, saggy eye, red nose and such messy un-removed makeup.

then i realise, god had given me everything even when it is not in perfect condition. but we are all little tiny humans. who had given us the power to judge which is perfect? yea, sometimes i do admire people who are skinny enough to fit in a skinny jeans, who fits in shirts and dresses labelled size s. and i do wish that i could be like them. i wish and i wish and i wish. i go on diet, i go for exercise. i strained myself. i make sure i push myself hard enough, just to be like those girls. for what? i dont make myself happy. so, what for? im healthy. i should be happy for that. shouldnt i?

there are girls who are very skinny, i mean it, very very skinny, that they look like a 2b pencil standing among the crowd. i dont want to be like that. there are also skinny girls who are sick. they wanted to be fatter, but they cant. its a pity though. i wonder, should i be thankful with myself? well, i should. there are ppl who wanted to be skinny take the easy way. they went from anything healthy green vege to drugs. my friend died because of that. just because she wanted to be skinnier. when does losing your life worth it? god makes us with different looks, with different attitude, all with its own reasons. we have no right to challenge god, refusing to accept what is given.

so what if im fat? so what if im black? so what if im short? i dont care, why should u? sometimes ppl talkes behind our backs. mocking us. if that make them feel good about themselves, so be it. yea, i know. it hurts. exspecially when its your friends. but oh mind me. good friend would never talk abt their friends behind their backs. if they do, they are not good friends.

and oh oh. dont u pppl know that it hurt really really bad?

sometime i wonder. when i die, would ppl remember me?

ppl keep on talking. ppl tell others abt ur behaviors, abt ur problems. abt everything.
cant they just shut up?
making me sick.

i cry without knowing the reasons. does that make me crazy?

im not

im not the best child in the family. im not the best student in the class. i am not the best student in a school. im not the best friend that every one dream of. im not the perfect one. im not the best gf that u ever haad. i am just plain me. with every mistakes ive done, ppl judge me. u dont even noe me. u dont even noe my last name. who are u 2 judge me? for god sake, im crying. im cring bcoz i missed him, my ajek. the one that i thought is the one. yea. look at me now. who am i to blame. i kept on thinking of my false and flaws. no one really care. take me down. as deep as u want. i gv up on life. i just do. im tired living this fake life, tired of pretending that im happy. im tired of pleasing others in the same time, hurting me. ajek, i love u with all my heart. i really2 do. thanks

m i going 2 survive?

do you think that the fact that we are made is to pleased others? no? but y do we feel the need to please others. i love those ppl but some times enough is enough. he broke my heart. yea. i deserves it. i m such a lame gf anyway.thanks to you.

does it matter?

does it matter how i feel when my love ones are happy?
does it matter if i cried all night long, just to make them smile?
does is all matter?
im sick of this. im tired of crying. i just want to go home. 2 c my bed once more. 2 b home, to cry in my room as no one would bother. i want to hug my pillows and feel safe. i dont want to think. i just want to live. im tired. rly2 tired. life doesnt seem great from where im standing. ive cried my heart out. 4 someone how then would leave me hanging by a thread, choking on my own death. what am i? i wonder. do i have a purpose to live in this world. people always say that maybe someday it would turn out great. they lie. dont trust them. not a single word.
life had been easy 4 them. but its not the same. i grew tired of this. this stuff making me wonder on the purpose of my life. make me wonder does death painful? ive been thinking on committing suicide. cutting my wrist and let it bleed all night long. jumping from the 9th floor. head first, smashing my head to the ground. taking drugs. make my head spins around, vomit everywhere. sounds like fun. gosh. what am i to these people? am i just some outsider? when i die, would they remember me? would they tell others memories of me? would they smile when my face appears in their thought? would they cry when i die, and mourn after me? if im there, i`ll be proud. a devil had gone from the face of the earth. and u people should be relieved.




this reminded me of Dost. a friend of mine. a caring and wonderful guy, i love u dear. rest in peace. may god bless u. u would always be in my mind.

courtesy?

my mother used to say, "mind your manners, emma". where ever i go, my mother's word would ring at my ear, reminding me of my manners. there are a lot of manners that we should know and practice in our everyday life. there are manners at the table, manners with the elders, manners with friends, and a lot more. my mother used to say, you manners displays who you really are inside. in my opinion, this is true. your courtesy is the one that people would be interpreting and judge throughout your appearance. and this is so important as this would give a good impression on others.
for example, a malay courtesy that my mother used to remind me of, is to greet the elders and shake their hands. by doing so, it shows that we are aware that there are older people around and they are suppose to be given special attention. when walking by an elder person, the young ones are suppose to bend their back a bit, and not walk with their back straight in front of the elder. this is not to give your back to the elder, but to show respect to the elder and not to be said ego.

Culture. Is it that important? What is it actually? Culture, as in the Longman Contemporary English dictionary, is the belief, the way of life and also art, and the custom that are shared by and accepted by people in a particular society. Is that so?
Malaysia`s unique and diverse heritage and culture, prominently are the Chinese, Malay and also Indian. These three groups are joined by various arrays of tribes, many of them living in the coastal area of Borneo. Even though each of these cultures have their own traditional and also community structures, they have also blended together to create Malaysia which we see today. Those other cultures in Borneo consist of Melanau, Kadazan, Bidayuh, Kenyah, Iban, Dayak, and many more. Cultures are important to each and every one of them and each and every one of them is different in their own ways.
Malaysia`s is the only country with had a diversity of culture, colourful set of people and various types of religion. Our country provided us with peace and harmony, giving us the opportunity to interact with each other better. Kesopanan berbahasa budaya kita. Does it make sense? It does. By being polite when we talk, we give a positive impression to the listener. As first impression is important, the manner of one is included. When one poses negative manner, he gave the impression that he is not polite. Thus, answering the question on the importance of politeness in communicating.

This wasn't the 2010 I was looking forward to. It really isn't.

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD ARE NOT SEEN NOR TOUCHED. THEY ARE FELT WITH THE HEART...

Looking out of the window, suspended as it were, from the seventh story by the sheer engineering of steel, cement, and bricks, I look out across my college campus. The grey parking lot, with the little white stones and the greenish trees, the students that wiggles their way between buildings and trees leading to the 9 story building, the 3 story annex building—all this I see. When my eyes simply stare out at this scene, gazing at “nothing” and losing all distinct visual focus, the world seems to be crawling. To be alive. The bobbing heads and steady tread of the college students, the movement and shine of the cars in the lot below, and the flow of traffic in the distance all combine to give the sense that the world is respiring. It inhales, sighs, and twitches. It shrinks and expands. It sweats and craves moisture. It was as if I were inside the body watching it maintain it equilibrium and homeostasis. As if it is breathing. What would mother nature do if she know how damaged the earth have been. Because of us.

Yet as simultaneous and unified as these events appear to be, each entity is separate in its immediate purpose. All of the damage have made the earth suffer.

I blink and the individual cars, people, hills, and freeway overpasses each come into focus. I have to save the earth. I need to.