Wednesday, 23 June 2010


this is where i sit when there is no one home. looking at the flowers, typing on the laptop, feeling good about myself. this is where i like to be. that is when no one else is around. i would sit and look at all the greeneries, listening to some music. it makes me feel calm. it makes me fell well taken care of. even though sometimes, we may face difficulties in our journey, we should give up. yea. ive cried my heart out for so many guys, which i thought could be the one. the perfect one for me. and yet, they broke my heart yet again.
someone asks me. if i had a chance to become another person, who would that be. i dont know. i would love to be someone prettier and richer and brainier, but still, he or she wont have all the memories that i have. he wont have the friends that i have now. the parents. the teachers and lecturers. he wont have my happiness. and without it, i wont live. so, to answer your questions, i wont become another person.

i love my friends. i love them so much! and somehow, i wonder, do they love me? i havent done anything that could possibly make them love me. i just being me.
im the jerk here.
despite all that, i love them. with all my heart. i will treasure all the memories. because, u are my inspiration.

and for that,

my other questions i.If you could wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else currently living, would you do so? Whom would you pick? ii.How do you deal with someone you don't like? thanks again

1st,no. the person is alive. and she would have her own life to deal with, the people she love, her family. i wont do so. and i wont pick anybody.

2nd, there are certain people that i dont like. just try to ignore them as much as possible. but they are still human beings. just try not to hurt their feelings in the process.

ask ask ask ask

hello,meet again my questions are i.Who or what inspires you and why? ii.If you could change something about yourself, what would it be & why? thank u..

what inspires me. funny u should asks. i dont really know. the episodes that i watch, the stories that ive read, that inspires me alot. sometimes ive cried watching and reading such stories. there is one book i would really wanna share. the saddest girl in the world, written by cathy glass.

change something. my brain. haha. i wanted to be smarter. and then i wont fall for boys who would break my heart.

ask ask ask ask

thank u for answering all my questions...i've got more questions for u.. i.Tell me one wish that has been fulfilled and one that is not? ii.If you knew today was your last day on Earth, how would you spend it and why?

1st. my wish doesnt really come true. so i will just hoping for the best. wishing that my life would turn out better in he future.
2nd. asks for everyone forgiveness. of all the sins ive done. i just want to apologize.

ask ask ask ask

Tuesday, 22 June 2010 are some questions for u.. i.What are the most important traits in a man, in your opinion? ii.What's the best piece of advice you've ever received? hope u can answer all the questions,thanks.

in a man, in my opinion. i seeks trust and respect. upon me and my family. i need him to be caring and lovable. make me feel safe and loved. a perfect man should know what is best. and wont hurt my feelings. tell me right from wrong. and thats my man.

advice. do not trust guys with all your heart. which i always disobey. and that hurts me in the end.

ask ask ask ask

Monday, 21 June 2010

kadang kadang

kadang kadang aku pk psal hidup. yea la. bnda yang kta xsangka akan jadi, terjadi gak. bnda kecik. lelaki akan cakap, perempuan. nangis je tau. ntah la. bkn aku x tahan air mata tu dr mengalir, aku tahan. tahan bagai nak rak. sampai bla tiba satu point, aku tpaksa gak lepas semua. yang jadi mangsa? orang kat sekeliling.

aku bukan nak jadi anak derhaka. tapi bila aku cakap, korang xnak dengar spatah haram pon. bila aku ddok dalam blik. terjerit jerit plak nak panggil aku turun. bila aku da kat bawah. marah pulak. aku tnggi suara, korg cakap aku kurang ajar. aku xpaham. aku try nk jadi anak yang baik. aku try nk jd family yang ada dalam tv. yang mak nya aku bley cta bnda bnda. kadang kadang kat uitm pon trasa gak. aku datang pon dgn adik n ayah je. pastu dyeorg trus balik. xsempat panas pon bontot dyeorg. cdeh sgt sgt. soryy la. aku mngaku aku mmg xpandai nak kongsi msalah kat korg. aku xpandai nk bercerita. aku xpandai nk meluah. aku ada kawan kawan aku je. n dyeorg la yang teman aku. ade kawan mcm dyeorg buat aku bahagia. at least aku rasa d perlukan buat seketika. buat aku rasa di hargai.

lagi lagi.
dalam family kita ada 5 org. korg da macam pair up. aku ni nk letak kat mana? kadang kadang aku cdeh bla aku kna tnggal kat blakang. aku tengok je korg begelak kat depan. ye la kn. xkn aku nk kacau. bia la aku sorg. *nanges nanges*

kadang kadang tu, aku pk gak. klau hayat aku xpanjang, ad x org yang akan rindu aku? sbb aku xde buat benda benda yang memorable. xpna plak aku p tgh jalan raya nk slamatkn org exciden. *pnakot pnakot*
ye laa, klau aku xde pon, bkn ade org prasan pon kn. bla aku balek kampong ms raya, aku slalu tengok kubur kubur terbiar kat tepi kubur arwah sdara mara. pnoh dgn lalang. hati aku jd sebak. kesian kn dyeorg. terbayang, mane la keluarga dyeorg. dyeorg xrindu ke? dyeorg xnk baca yasin ke? klau aku dh tua, org akan buat cmtu x kat aku? aku bkn nya org terbaik dlam rumah, apatah lagi dlam dunia. grenti bnyak je yang benci aku. ntah ntah yang aku anggap baik, rupanya jahat. ye la. mulut manusia. mulut aku pon xley nk tutop. *susah susah*

ntah la. aku pon xfaham.

Sunday, 20 June 2010

jun 19th

emma n dodo.

emma n memei.


pendatang asing. :)

emma n ayah
(ignore the boobs)

nothing in particular.

Going away from the hometown, bintulu and going to the oil city, miri. Early in the morning, my mum nags me to get out of bed. Failed by knocking on the door, she tried the second method. She called my phones. The irritating noises coming from the phones, are making me insane. I wake up at 6 or 7 and i guess was the earliest one i had in my holiday. *whalaww*

Packing all the important things, all those little stuff that are VERY important, i was very very very sleepy. after packing, i finally go for my beauty shower which i hate, expecially early in the morning. Very very very cold. I was shivering when i am finally done. Choosing my best cloth, trying it on, taking it off, and putting another one on and removing it. This process continues. *haddoi!*

The trip to miri finally started after picking sami and hafiz up at their respective habitat. *hahaha!* the long and excruciating journey are so damn bored, it makes me want to sleep in my sleep. The journey continues. After finally arrived, we went to the hotel where we had booked the rooms. Oh oh, btw, my aunt`s family also tag along in this so called trip. We stayed at mega hotel. I didn’t pay so i don’t care about the fees. We went to a mall which i have forgotten the name. Hmm. We went up and down, left and right, above and below, side by side, inside out the mall. But yet, i haven’t bought anything. Ajiq bought a necklace for his girlfriends, so what should i buy for my girlfriends? Tough questions though. *thinking thinking*

There are alot of cars in miri, which is caused by people from brunai coming over for some shopping. Big cars with larger people with a lot of money. It is very hard to find a single car park. Hmm. Ow o wow, i met maman there. My ex in high school. J maman maman, im shy. *blush blush* he is wearing a dark creamy yellow long sleeved shirt. Btw maman, as i know u would be reading this, there is a fact for u. im taller than u. Im 210cm. Hahaha. Maman u look older and more mature compared to me. A premature human being, who was suppose to be mature-er. J

There is one thing that i hate about hotels. It is too cold. How am i supposed to shower? It is freezing, man. As i am a hairy animal, all my hair stands on one end. And it is indeed not sexy! *no sexual tone here* Hahaha. I hate it when i stepped out of the bathroom, the cold air rushed to me like a hurricane. Then, i would quickly run back into the bathroom, playing with the hair dryer. That is was until that certain someone bangs on the door with their own private emergency. *wink wink*

I called dodo, i called gagan, i called yul, i called afiq, i called ika, telling them im in miri. i havent got the chance to post it in my facebook about my trip to miri. My last post is something about topups, as i ran out of credit. Finally i went out with dodo. Alongside her sidekicks, memei, nana n corina. How i missed them! *aw aw aw* dodo, memei, nana and i met at the plkn camp in miri. sungai rait, miri. a horrible place, but with nice friends like them, its heaven. The last time that i have met them is in December. Christmas in miri. fun fun fun. They are nice people with nicer attitude. They are my friends. and i love them with my dear life. We went to marina bay and sat on the grass. The short but pointy grass makes my butt itch as im wearing leggings with a so called dress. *ugggleyhh* but i don’t really care.

Yul called dodo and told her and he would be arriving `soon’. After 3o to 50 minutes of waiting, they finally arrived. Yul and kay. Both are my former fellows in plkn. We sat there and talked for about one full hour. Both of them are getting chubbier than i remember. The cheeks are finally showing on both of their faces. Making them look cuter. They had been smaller in plkn. The regular skinny type of Malaysian teenagers. They have change a lot in appearance. But still, both are very talkative human beings.

After saying farewells to the boys, we went for dinner. I have my nasi goreng ayam special (again). Then we have shisha. Coconut mint flavour. *Yummy yummy* then we started talking again. Magical enough, we have no limits in talking. We talked and talked and talked. Took a sip, swallow and continue talking. Hahahaha. J after eating, we went to grand old lady. There are a lot of people there as it is Saturday. What the heck. We sat there until it was 11.30 pm. Then they sent me back at the hotel. Saying farewell was the hardest part. I have tried my best not to look back. Only god knows when i am going to see them again. *uwwwwwwwaa*

In the hotel room, the cold bites (sejuk yang menggigit.). haha. Is there such words?

Biar la. Its 5.50 am now.

Im off. JJ

Thursday, 17 June 2010

bdae saya.

chicken chop black paper. sedap. *nyum nyum nyum*

budget muka model kek. haha.

haha. bla gila kek melanda.

kek yang malang utk di makan. hwa hwa hwa. *gelak kejam*

sami, hafiz, mak, emma, emmi. muka lapa xsabar nak makan.
*wink wink*


Wednesday, 16 June 2010

slamat hari jadi aku

aku da 19. 19 19 19
tp klau tambah 2 nombor tu, jd 10. jd aku 10 tahun.

jd aku 10 tahun!
*bahagia bahagia*


mayy, aku, erma
aliyy xda
venue : jusco penang
date: ntah, tp 1st kua uitmdgn roommate *sakai sakai*

bla aku start msok uitm. dlam otak aku. *waaahhh, bes bes*

one part of it is true, the other? not quite. jumpa kawan kawan satu bilik. bayangkan. aku boleh jadi pemalu. aku igt lagi, aku pakai baju kurung warna hijau. *blush blush*
roomate aku, nurnadia maisarah @ mayy, nur alia @aliyy, ermalina @ erma @ farmasi. erma d panggil farmasi. hahaha. sebabnya ada 2 emma dalam 1 bilik. susah. banyak confusion. last last, dyeorg panggil aku emot n erma sebagai farmasi. naseb baik x panggil aku mechanical.

aku dgn dyeorg je sepanjang tym orentasi. orentasi amat menyakitkan hati. mmg aku leteh gle. tp xpa la. pduli ap aku. aku happy.aku ada kawan yang baik yg buat aku gelak spanjang masa orentasi. masa orentasi ada satu ceramah d laman perdana, aku tdo! omg! mmg tdo! hahaha. aku xpduli da. mmg leteh. aku tdo d pangkuan erma. tiba tiba. *jeng jeng jeng* ada budak laki amek gamba. klik klik klik. bodoh gla. pastu aku segar. utk 2 minit je. pastu aku pon tdo. time tdo, kepala tersengguk sengguk. *ashamed* there is one book given to us at the time. kaler green. aku conteng conteng, bla da x tahan, aku tdo. mayy dok sbelah aku jadi jaga. mayy sebok menyelak mukasurat d buku aku. takot kantok dgn senior. haha. adooi. bla habes, dyeorg mintak balik buku hijau tersebut. aku jadi amat cuak! ive written on every page! lantak ko la. aku bg la gak. sp sroh bg cramah bosan.

but uitm, walaupun smua ceramah yang ko bg amat bosan n mnyakitkan telinga, namun, i met my friends here. thanks! :):) syg uitm.

Friday, 11 June 2010


my kazen, anak jiran, ezza n pman

td ade bbq kat umah aunty. haha. fun fun fun. sgt bes. :) main dgn kazens buat aku lupa masalah. lupa lelaki lelaki yg da mngecewakn aku. lupa rasa sakit d hati. buat aku happy seketika.

aku hidupkan api. susah la gak. tapi amat best. sepupu aku yg maseh kecil dudok bertengek menunggu api. api d hidupkan! waa. bangga gila aku. sepupu aku, ezza, adik nya pman n ool, ternganga melihat api yang marak. masing masing nk pg tengok dengan lebih dekat. asap yg bnayak membuatkn mereka terkebil kebil. kakak aku pula dudok d buaian. memanggil manggil mereka supaya jaohkn dr dari api. degil tetap degil, masing masing gagahkan kaki dan mata untuk bergerak kembali menuju ke punca api. aku gelak sorang d tepi.. adooii..

aku keluar sebentar sekejap, bertemu dgn mie. bau bbq dan asap, mnusuk hdung kalbu apabila aku masuk ke dalam kereta. dengan nerpakaian selekeh, memakai jersey dan legging, aku memang nampak huduh. haha. *soryy mie*

kami ddok d tepi pantai, bercerita. talking. ntah ap yang aku celotehkn. aku dh x igt. but it was fun. lenggangkan masa utk bersama dengan kawan kawan, bercerita, bergelak ketawa. walaupun topik nya adalah satu benda bodoh. aku rindu kawan kawan aku. rindu sangat sangat.

hari dah gelap, aku pn balik ke rumah aunty. jiran jiran sudah sampai untuk membantu. aku masuk dan pman trus memeluk ku. hug hug. adoii. rasa sangat bahagia bla d hargai. *bahagia bahagia* aunty bg arahan utk ke kedai. bertemankan pman yang dah wangi mandi, aku pun bergegas ke kedai membeli arang. d kedai pula. pman terus memilih keropok yg d dsertakan dengan hadiah di dalam nya. d belinya 5. ezza, pman, ool, anak kepada jiran aku, dan aku. bahagian aku memang dye yang akn dapat. mmg dye bharap akan dapat kereta d dalam. *peminat hot wheels.* bukak pnya bukak, dapat kilp rambut warna pink. aku gelak sakan. hahaha. :)

then he opens mine. dapat kereta kaler red. :) aku dan pman mngadakan sistem barter. balik rumah, trus show off dgn ool dan aunty. *ool dan dia da macam musoh ketat* adoyai. bila majlis bermula, im stuck with the kids. watching tv. cartoons. my fav! aku ddok d ruang tv, d kelilingi kanak kanak. kazens, anak jiran jiaran, anak kawan kawan aunty. penuh! aku bagaikan katerer x berbayar utk mereka. air xda? aku amek kn. aku suapkan ool yg maseh kecil. pman xmau berenggang ddok d atas paha. asking for his orange juice. naseb baek comey. :)

ntah la. aku melalut cerita. haha. :):)

Thursday, 10 June 2010


tadi aku ke masjid. gambar ini aku n kakak aku. :) aku memakai baju kurong plain berwarna purple. *tringat kat aliyy* wlaupn dlam gambar ni x nampak pon.

adanya majlis makan makan d beranda.orang ramai berpusu pusu menyerbu nasi dan lauk, macam kebuluran. makcik makcik slow motion berjalan, mengatur langkar, membawa telekung masing masing tatkala aku memakai kembali tudung. *ayu ayu*
sbelum isyak, d adakan bacaan yasin d masjid. aku pn ekot, suara mak aku yg piching amat tinggi kedengaran beralun alun membaca yasin d sebelah kakak emi.

slepas yasin, bacaan doa d mulakan. menadah tangan memohon ampun atas segala salah silap aku. berfikir kembali kisah kisah dulu. org menganiayai kita. biar la. bkn nya nk meminta balasan terhadap sikap beliau. tapi cukup la d berikan pengajaran. aku hampir menangis. *sob sob* namun aku tetap kuat. hahahhaa
ntah la. aku pn xpaham ap aku nk sampaikan dalam blog ni. pkiran kucar kacir bagai d landa taufan. aduhh. bakal gila. *sigh*


what would u do when someone broke ur heart? torn every part apart. make it bleed. eventhough we cant see it. the pain is there.

hey u.
u broke my heart. u make me love u, in which i truly did. and then u broke it. u lie to me, and i believe in you. ur dating my friend at the time ur dating me. does it worth it?
ive cried. alot. ive screamed alot. i just cant understand.
i left me hanging. and when its all over, u laugh. u have prepared my replacement. my friend in my place as ur partner. i appreciate all that u have done for me. as none as them mattered now.

ya la. masa dlu2, hati dh jatuh cinta, mata jadi buta. semua benda salah jadi betol. u can always forgive the person u in love with, x kira benda yg dia buat tu besar atau kecil salahnya. yea. im crying. sumpah nangis. ntah la. he is for me. buat ap nak sebok2 kn. tp masalah nya. aku xtau. bla tuhan bagi aku kekuatan nak hidup, org akn datang and take that away from me. make me suffer. klau nk cta kronologi crita pon x bbaloi. org xkn paham. prempuan perempuan akan blame me. sbb my ex kn hensem, idola. ow yeah? haha. ppl would certainly blame me. yes.

u make me suffer. im trying to stop loving u. kutok la aku puas puas. asalkan aku xtau.

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

what ppl said

ap org cakap bila aku potong rambut :
  • hahaha...lepak arh...dah nak akhir sem kan senior..potong rambut ? apa cer ? kau punya curl terbaik kot.makes you feel hot :D
  • rambut sudah pendekz
  • hahaha. i will cut ur hair shorter when i come home.
  • nak rambut ko!
  • sekseyyyy!
  • nnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
  • omg!
  • hahahahahahahahahahaha!

aku mlas nk copy paste dyeorg cakap ap. uhuhuk. :(
tp 2 la muka aku lepas aku potong rambut. ish. *sedih sedih*


im alone. and no one care.

new friends

Hopefully, u know its u.

(: thanks because u are always there for me..
u know who u are. :) thanks thanks thanks.
Im happy that u are here.
maybe not for me intentionally but heck, im happy.
admitting this, u make me blush. :)

aw aw aw. :) syg u!

Tuesday, 8 June 2010


blaja gna skype. haha. having fun with it. kawan kawan yang start mencurah curah masuk ke ladang inbox. ad yg kawan. ad yg lawan

*mana la aku nk tau sp*

ad juga yg unknown. :)
kadang jd takut nk approve. even kawan kawan yg dalam fb, kta xtau sp. approve and approve. muka tetap sama. guna gambar artis. muka yg sekonyoh konyoh tba2 jd cantek macam muka siti dayang bunting. * mrapu mrapu*

skarang ad 1+++ org yg da kna approve. ad lagi 4++ yg nk kna tapis. sgt leteh. yg mana yg xda gamba n guna nama ala2 korea, jepun, prancis, bangladesh, xlayan. y?takut. yg xda gamba lagi la. aku trus ignore. then, xlama lagi, org yg sama akn add balik. stalker much?? xda la. sp la aku nk kna stalk. better dye g cari acc awek awek dan cikaro cikaro yang bersepah di dinding rakan rakan. :0

aku pn ska jd stalker. kerja sparuh masa. :) lihat gambar gambar org yang cantik cantik. admire her talent, her face. waaaa. jeles! lpastu akan angan angan klau aku jadi cantik macam tu. jadi perfect macam tu. kadang kadang aku akan comment. tu pun klau aku cukup berani. bgtau pandangan. bgtau pendapat. tapi aku rs pendapat aku ni macam batu loncatan je la. hahaha. aku bkn sapa sapa pn kalau dyeorg nak peduli.

oh yea yea. tadi aku nk tulis pasal skypela. ade pervert! ntah ap ntah. aku pn xfaham mana sakitnya dalam otak. :) cakap nk tengok muka nk web cam. haduh. dia juaga ad add aku dlm ym. hmm. slalu nk keluar berdua. blind date konon. xmau. pervert. aku tgk fs dye pon. every girl dye ajak kua. haha. ntah la sp pompuan malang yg akn kluar dgn that guy.

*takut takut*

Monday, 7 June 2010

ow no

hey. u make me cry again. this is for u. i made it when i am still in love with you. thanks for all the love.
u broke my heart into millions of tiny pieces. and u never gave my heart back. nevertheless, im in love with u before. so be it. thanks.

happy happy happy

im happy!
1. my layout is super cute!
love it!
2. wi-fi is on again
3. new mouse for lappy
thats all?
my life sucks!


cannot sleep. due to to much sleep?? hmmmm. i wonder when do i sleep.

hoping that jimmy had enuf sleep. he got important work tomorrow. :)

my mum make me watch a video early in the morning. abt ppl who shared to much info in their facebook. make me sick!
baring baring all night long. search for funny pictures and videos that can make me laugh sampai pagi. there are some. haha. gonna post it next time. pandang sekeliling bilik then suddenly tringat pasal hantu, trus ttp mata igtkn bole trus tdo. try nk tdo gak, tp x dapat. give up. bkak mata slow2, take a look around and switch on all of the light available.
tringat time d rumah sewa dyeorg nora. nk pg kencing pon mntak aliyy teman kn. lagi lagi time sorg2 b4 balik. naseb baik agak berani. bukak 1 lampu je. tp kna make sure sblom ttp lampu, everything is there. air, kropok, laptop. haha. mmg takut gla. ish. tp ms tu xplak insomnia. just when i reached sarawak. hmmm. maybe sbb wifi full kot. facebook on 24/7. not my fault. :)

dunno what else to write. cannot sleep. huha huha.

bel 260 assigment

Mid pleasures and palaces through we may roam,

Be it ever so humble, there`s no place like home.”

The song ‘home sweet home’ adopted from the opera Clari, Maid of Milan reminded me how much I miss my hometown, Sarawak. Being born there, causing me to feel difficulties in adopting myself to the new environment of Pulau Pinang. Being assigned in Pulau Pinang to further my study in UiTM, the most difficult part is to speak proper Malay. There is no more Sarawak language, which is very hard to resist as it is my mother tongue.

The first day I am here, I stumble upon my words as I approach a 7 eleven counter, to buy a reload coupon. I spoke Sarawak language confidently to the nice lady at the counter but suddenly she frowned as she heard me speak. When I finally realised my mistake, I quickly speak proper Malay and smile shyly towards her. She smiled back as she handed me the reload coupon. I laugh my heart out as soon as I am out of the store.

As a student from Sarawak and the geographical fact does show that I am far away from home, does not help me in overcoming my awful homesick. I do miss my home, my friends and my family terribly. I miss the language, the food and also the people there. The life I have here are totally different than the one I had back home. There are no Sarawak foods here, such as laksa Sarawak, bubur pedas and so on. Even if there is, it would not be the same. But there are also different foods here which my taste buds enjoy. The languages are also different. People from different places are brought up with different language according to their hometown.

Making new friends, learning new words, make me feel thankful on my existence here in UiTM Pulau Pinang. But my home is the place I grew up in, the place where I was born. It is my home sweet home and no place can ever replace it in my heart.

hey nanang

imy. things cant never be the same. really. im trying. i do love u. but u left me. u left me after a few month. and that makes my hearts hurt. u make me cry all night long. ur the first guy that i cried for. and that makes it all different. i love u with all my life and u betrayed me.u broke my heart and throw the pieces away. after u broke up with me. u never talk to me. for 2 years. and that hurts. u treat me like just a piece of garbage clinging onto ur shirt. i do miss the way u make me feel. u make me feel safe. despite all the other guys who wanted to take advantage of me. u save me. and thats why im so in love with u.when u left me. i decided to commit suicide. when im awake. ur not there. u dont even care what had happen to me. how much i loved u. nvm. let bygone be bygone.:)
thanks nanang.


nk balik penang. :(
miss my friends so fucking much.

farmasi (erma)

*nanges nanges*
cry baby


thinking abt my past and my future.

would my future be better?
hmmm. :)
hope so.

Jimmy Jonas δΊ‹.
u make me happy for the past few days.
for that, i thank u. :)
btw, happy birthday.
dont have ur birthday gift.
im sorry.
have a pleasant 19th birthday!


Saturday, 5 June 2010


u dont know how much u had make me cried.
how much your words tore my heart apart,
at least i know that ur happy,
although i am not that giddy,
at least i know that u r asleep,
and these pain, it was for me to keep.


pegi kenduri with my family ke rumah org kawen. bgun pagi2, cr bju kurong yg ckup ok tnpa bnyak sgt cacat cela, mandi, bsing cr baju lagi. sgt memenatkn.

met a few of my mother`s friend there. cakap cakap cakap. non stop. ok. tgk plamin yg cukup simple btemakn black and white. terbayang bla nk kawen. maybe lama lagi.sp tau. jodoh. klau xpon, gedik sgt nk kawen. ahaha.

there are alot of old people. not that old. just the average motherly type. masing2 sebok nk memperagakn baju. baju pnoh dgn manik, dgn kaler yg memancar2 dalam mata. ish. sgt mnyampah. ad org pakai jubah. bsertakan selendang yg mnutup setengah kepala. dgn kebaya yg amat ketat sampaikn boleh mencekik badan n lemas. suicidal. ad yg pakai heels smacam 7 inci. xtakut mati ke klau jatoh? haaa. :) everyone wants to be a models somehow. showing new dresses and accessories. the young girls get girly around cute boys. the boys, act as they are so tough. and somehow, they love it. the purpose of a wedding is to celebrate the one who is to be wed. not the other way around. somehow, the one getting married does not get their attention. :)

makcik makcik sebok bercerita tentang jahil nya anak jiran2 yg lain, sebok mengata. sebok mengumpat n mngutok sp2 yg lalu d dpan mata. sp yg peduli. dtang dgn btudung, bjubah, berkaca mata hitam sm mcm artis2 yg ke mahkamah. sp yg peduli? msing2 mahu klihatan cantik. mengambil kira pndangan kawan2. membutakan mata n tlinga. membiarkn org ternganga mlihat. mendedahkan tempat2 x kira usia. makcik mekcik memperagakan betis yg bagaikn roti berkulat. for what? nk attention? ok.

think abt it. u have ur sons and ur daughter attending the ceremony. think abt what they would feel when their friends ask why are u dressing like that. malu kn? macam nk jd anak dara balik. ow no no no. ur time is up. just stop.

Friday, 4 June 2010


mak salu cakap. bdn je besar tp otak kecik. referring to me infront of her friends.

yes mummy. i do have small brains. im stupid. i know that. dont have to tell the whole world about that.
my sister is currently studying in utp now. universiti teknologi petronas. big names for ppl with big brains. larger IQs. and i. im currently studying in uitm. yes mummy. its just a small university to be compared with utp. yes i know. ive been there. but mummy. im not smart enough. im just a stupid girl living under my sister`s shadow. mummy, u always compared me to emmi. dont u realise that it hurts?
yes, i know that she is brighter than i am. in every single way possible. i know that. ur proud of her. not of me.ur blaming me for my stupidness. i heard u talked abt that with daddy. it hurts. mummy dont u know that it hurts. its tearing me apart. u make me feel that im useless. i cried myself out that day. i cried in my room. in the cupboard. i cried and i cried. u make me feel bad. and for that, i thanks u.

from the bottom of my heart. thanks.

i want to go home.

i want to go home. but i am home. but there is this awkward feeling of something missing. something important. am i really home? is this really my home? how am i suppose to know?

love itu cinta. cinta itu buta.

what does love even mean to u. ppl can lie. ppl can say that they love u. but they dont. love torture ppl. and it makes pll cry. well it makes mecry. ive cried so hard.

buat aku kadang kadang takut utk fall in love lagi. takut d tnggalkan. takut sorg2. biar aku solo and have alots of friends. which is better. i think. yea. mmg kadang2 aku pn jeles tgk kwn2 dgn pasangan masing2. manja2. sp yg xnk kna manja, kn? im celebrating my birthday alone again this year. it was suppose to be a one year anniversary. wat the heck. just let it go. right. no matter what. im still crying. due to the pain. thanks.

Tuesday, 1 June 2010

asshole of the century

hahaha. there is this one guy. yea. dpan mata aku pandai plak nak berbaik baik. yet, blakang. shit. mentang mentang your gf is there.

before we broke up, u promise me everything. and im such a stupid girl for believing u. i thought ur my soul mate. and i thought that maybe u are the one for me. i have loved u with all my heart. every part, every inch of my body love u. even if we never met. i cant forget the way u make me feel. the way u make me smile when we talk on the phone. the way u make me feel special. the way u make me think im the chosen one. after 10 months together, after all that ive done for u. u left me. u left me for another girl. it hurts so much that i cant even think straight. ive furthered my studies so that i can be closer to u. what am i suppose to do now?

dont u ever think abt that? i thought im going to be ur wife. haha. funny how it turn out to be. ur dating my friend. thanks alot dear.

im stupid for still loving u.

girly girls

i have friends. i have tons of them. literally. most of them are boys. i dont have many girlfriends. due to the reasons below.

1. i dont need all the fuss.
needless to say, some girls fuss abt everything. i mean, everything. abt eating, abt showering, abt sleeping. omg. do they have to tell everyone when they are going to sleep? yelling goodnight to their friends, making the whole nine floored hostel tremble with fear upon their striking voices.

2. i dont need all the gossips.
some of the girls, talks all day long. 24/7. even in their sleep, they do talk. funny? not for their roommates. they talk and talk and talk. abt what? evrything. abt boys that they admire, abt girls that they hate, abt their past, abt their future.

3. i dont need all the criticize. (so does other ppl)
yea. we are not perfect. but do they have to criticize everyone. what bitch that girl was, what a geek that guy was. aiyoyo. girls, u dont need to. they are who they are. who are u to criticize them? if they like the way they are, just be it.

4. i dont have all the time
being born girls, we do need more time to get ready compared to the guys. but please, when u realise that ur late, be quick doing getting ready. there are girls that remain as slow as snails. hey, there are people waiting for u downstairs. shish!

5. i dont have all the patience
oh how they are so emotional. one second they are laughing happy yet another second, they cry their heart out. they can cry and laugh at the same time, how they can love one man and flirt with another. wow.

6. i dont have all the girly in me
girls are like glass. u broke it and there would be someone yelling. girly girls. they cant even be dirty. they are so afraid that they broke a nail that they wont hold the pencil strong enough. in sports, there are so afraid on getting sweaty, that they refuse to take part. if they do, they prefer losing.

and ow. there are some girls that are not. and u can be amazed how they can survive without being so like the above.

god is great

looking at the reflection upon the mirror, i saw, me. short messy hair, my big football jersey, green boxer, saggy eye, red nose and such messy un-removed makeup.

then i realise, god had given me everything even when it is not in perfect condition. but we are all little tiny humans. who had given us the power to judge which is perfect? yea, sometimes i do admire people who are skinny enough to fit in a skinny jeans, who fits in shirts and dresses labelled size s. and i do wish that i could be like them. i wish and i wish and i wish. i go on diet, i go for exercise. i strained myself. i make sure i push myself hard enough, just to be like those girls. for what? i dont make myself happy. so, what for? im healthy. i should be happy for that. shouldnt i?

there are girls who are very skinny, i mean it, very very skinny, that they look like a 2b pencil standing among the crowd. i dont want to be like that. there are also skinny girls who are sick. they wanted to be fatter, but they cant. its a pity though. i wonder, should i be thankful with myself? well, i should. there are ppl who wanted to be skinny take the easy way. they went from anything healthy green vege to drugs. my friend died because of that. just because she wanted to be skinnier. when does losing your life worth it? god makes us with different looks, with different attitude, all with its own reasons. we have no right to challenge god, refusing to accept what is given.

so what if im fat? so what if im black? so what if im short? i dont care, why should u? sometimes ppl talkes behind our backs. mocking us. if that make them feel good about themselves, so be it. yea, i know. it hurts. exspecially when its your friends. but oh mind me. good friend would never talk abt their friends behind their backs. if they do, they are not good friends.

and oh oh. dont u pppl know that it hurt really really bad?

sometime i wonder. when i die, would ppl remember me?

ppl keep on talking. ppl tell others abt ur behaviors, abt ur problems. abt everything.
cant they just shut up?
making me sick.

i cry without knowing the reasons. does that make me crazy?